I don't give a fck !

Foreigners coming to India always wonder about various(mostly stupid) things. Many often ask whether they'l see cows on Indian roads.
Seriously ???

 Yes, we have cows on roads not because cows are considered sacred. It’s because of a lack of giving-a-fuck.

So here is the truth about cows on the road and how it happens.
Consider a cow is in the middle of the road.

Car driving dude comes along :
'I see a cow standing in the middle of the road. If I stand in front of it and honk repeatedly it might get up and move to the side. This will clear the road for the other drivers also.
BUT… I’m in a hurry to get home.. all that porn won’t watch itself! I’ll just go around it, and besides I don't give a fuck.'

Traffic police guy :
'My cop senses tell me a cow has sat in the middle of the road. This might disrupt traffic. I should get the cow to move to the side of the road with all the other animals.
 BUT… I see the cars are managing quite well by driving around the cow, and besides these cow owners aren't going to bribe themselves, and turn a blind eye to the road-cow-fact. Hence, no fuck shall be given by me.'

Municipal Corporation guy :
'I see some cows standing on the road there. It’s my duty to hire some cow catchers and clear the roads, but the last time it happened, the animals rights people started foaming at their collective mouths. Besides the local politician started running around calling for a ban against cow slaughter, screaming Jai Hind, with his dick hanging out… even though the cows were being shifted to a shelter. AND.. since the traffic police guy is already there it’s HIS problem now.. Me? I don’t give a fuck.'

Foreigner visiting India to do good and save the poverty stricken :
'Oh, I see a cow is in the middle of the road there. I should probably get it to move, since it’s blocking the traffic, forcing cars to swerve past it. On top of that the traffic police and the muncipal corporation guy is not doing anything. It is only UP TO ME TO FIX THE PROBLEMS OF THIS COUNTRY.
BUT… the cow is considered sacred here. If you move it, it might offend people. Hence, I shall do nothing.
But take photos of it. For real! LOL cows.com and instagram won’t fill itself…'

The Cow thinking..
'Maybe i’m obstructing traffic.. but no one else seems to be bothered.. So i dont give a fuck… oh wait, dung is coming out.

 PLOP !. Ahhhh, amazing!' ( i know that feel bro )

Vegetable Vendor
'Ah. The cow. Such a gentle creature… gives us milk and cheese, and all it wants in return is love and…'

.
'WTF! It’s eating my beautiful veggies! WHY YOU LITTLE…'

!!!! ASS SLAP !!!!

Wedding Invitation

Priyanka is checking her email. She saw a message from her friend Anita.She found an attachment in that message which was Anita's wedding invitation card.

                             

             Dear All,

A Wedding is start of

togetherness..

Of walks in the rain, basking in

the sunshine, shared meals, and

sensing the love that a marriage

carries!

With God’s grace, and our parent’s

blessings, the day has come

when Sandeep & I are taking a step

forward to begin a wonderful

life together!

Please be there as we look into 

each other's eyes,hold hands and 

exchange vows to be there 

for each other forever

- Anita & Sandeep 

Priyanka was very happy for Anita and surprised too.So she decides to call Anita and congratulate her.
Phone rings.
'Hey Priyanka .. after a long time' 
'Hey Anita .. great news ! Congratulations ! You never told me you had a boyfriend... Good you're getting  married to someone you already know.'
'Boyfriend ? No, It's arranged marriage.' Anita corrected her.
Priyanka was shocked to hear that . 'What ?? What about all that everlasting crap then ?'
'It's a marriage invitation.What do you want me to say ?' said Anita puzzled.
'But but .. you can't send incorrect information on internet. Didn't you read 'Terms & Conditions' while signing up your email?. This is against law. Aren't you aware of the Section 66A of the Information Technology Act ? A girl was arrested in mumbai under this law just for posting some pics on facebook . Please do correct this  email ASAP and send again.' 

'Thank you Priya .. I'l never send misleading or incorrect information on internet again..', Anita hangs the phone in dilemma.

Later that day ...

Priyanka got new mail from Anita .

Dear All,You are invited to stuff yourself with free food, while i get married to the man my parents have chosen for me. He's from our own caste and gotra, because let's be fair, who wants to be honor killed by dad over this ?

In return for free food, and the chance of getting photographed with DSLR Cameras,please bring nice gifts. No flowers please, and if you're planning to gift an ironbox , food mixer or bedsheets ,then on the way to the venue,you can stuff them up your ass.

Please treat this email as a personal invitation from both of us.I didn't want to waste printed cards on college friends. I don't really expect, or want you to come . Goddamit, I have already tolerated you assholes for 4 years. I don't want to see your faces while i stand next to my unfamiliar husband with my face of golden metal, trying hard to smile through the congratulatory parade of strangers.

I'm emailing this to all my friends as an intimation of my marriage.So know now that I'm married and stopping hitting on me,pinging on facebook you miserable perverts.

Regards

- Anita

                            RSVP

Names of distant relatives 

who don't really mean anything

but whine if you ignore them.

Also that greasy uncle who used 

to touch me inappropriately. 

How to win an argument with woman ?

Girls... Please don’t read this. There’s nothing here for you to learn. Thank you very much.

Guys... As you know, arguing is a big part of being in a relationship. The main thing about an argument with your girl is that you never want to lose one.Losing an argument makes you look stupid.

Most of the arguments will arise from small issues like  not answering her phone calls last night or 2 second look you gave to another woman while dining with your girl.

Here are some hard won tips to win an argument with women.

• Distract:If you smell an argument coming,just change the subject.Tell her about some random incident (which should be common to girls or your half dead)or compliment about her dress.She'll forget what she was talking about.
• Puzzles :Solve the puzzle.Find the hidden meaning.She wants to hear it from you and never say u don't remember.I know you really don't , she might be angry about not replying her messages last night or might be about a random trip planned before 6 months.
• Deny:You have to deny whatever may be the argument about.Women love to prove that you're lying and you might be ,but it doesn't matter.It's about what she can prove.If it is about you staring other woman.. deny it totally, even if she caught you red handed.Never try to explain that it was only for few seconds .. NEVER!
• Make Stuff Up: Make up facts that support whatever your argument is. Fact is women are horrible fact checkers. Many won’t ever check the validity of your argument…even if she has a smart phone (see how easy that is).
• Logic:Logic doesn’t win arguments.Logic wins debates.So abandon logic.If you are logical and if you make sense, you are bound to fail.
• Tone :Speak in a harsh tone.Women are extremely sensitive to tone.Your tone makes the difference and she might get confuse and starts believing in what you say,even if it doesn't make sense.
• Guilty:Women are the more guilty conscious than men.Make her feel guilty.Try to be innocent.Make her realize that she is thinking too much when there's nothing to be worried about.
• Don't talk:Make her speechless and by that I mean to keep talking until she gives up arguing or better to remain silent if you want to finish this early.Silence is Gold !
• Remember :Women always have the last word in argument.Anything you add after that it's the beginning to new argument.Then Go to Step 1.
• Win ?:You Can’t Win! Of course.In a genuine argument,a tie is as good as a win.

Lastly , an argument with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. At the end we ignore everything 

and click 'I Agree'.

And this is called Apocalypse !