the Real You

" Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you."

We spend our entire lives being told that 'it's what's inside that counts' and that who you are inside is the 'real you'.

I think this is complete and utter horseshit.

At best, the person you are 'inside' is the person you want to be. The way you act and the way you behave is the 'real you'.

To put this in an overly cynical way, the world is only interested in what it can get from you. It doesn't matter if you have the heart of a saint and the best intentions in the world if you never act on them.

Basically, if you act like a good, caring person, you are a good, caring person. If you act like an asshole, you're an asshole, plain and simple.

For example, let's say one of your co-workers gets a phone call that a family member has been in an accident and needs someone to cover so they can go to the hospital. If you volunteer to cover, that means you're pulling a 14 hour day.

Who is the real nice guy? The person who actually volunteers to stay, or the person who keeps quiet but is full of sympathy and feels really, really bad about not volunteering?

The person who kept quiet is sitting there thinking "If everyone knew how bad I feel about this, they'd know what a nice guy I am."... but the truth is, you're really not a nice guy... because when someone was really in need, you decided you'd rather go home at your regular time than work a few extra hours to help them out.

The nice guy is the guy pulling the extra 6 hours to help someone out. It's what you do, not what you think.

Basically, who you are inside is the fantasy, ideal version of yourself. The person who's always willing to help, the person who'll step up to defend a stranger...but if you don't act on it, it's a fantasy.

The 'real you' is the person you are, not the person you want to be. 

I don't give a fck !

Foreigners coming to India always wonder about various(mostly stupid) things. Many often ask whether they'l see cows on Indian roads.
Seriously ???

 Yes, we have cows on roads not because cows are considered sacred. It’s because of a lack of giving-a-fuck.

So here is the truth about cows on the road and how it happens.
Consider a cow is in the middle of the road.

Car driving dude comes along :
'I see a cow standing in the middle of the road. If I stand in front of it and honk repeatedly it might get up and move to the side. This will clear the road for the other drivers also.
BUT… I’m in a hurry to get home.. all that porn won’t watch itself! I’ll just go around it, and besides I don't give a fuck.'

Traffic police guy :
'My cop senses tell me a cow has sat in the middle of the road. This might disrupt traffic. I should get the cow to move to the side of the road with all the other animals.
 BUT… I see the cars are managing quite well by driving around the cow, and besides these cow owners aren't going to bribe themselves, and turn a blind eye to the road-cow-fact. Hence, no fuck shall be given by me.'

Municipal Corporation guy :
'I see some cows standing on the road there. It’s my duty to hire some cow catchers and clear the roads, but the last time it happened, the animals rights people started foaming at their collective mouths. Besides the local politician started running around calling for a ban against cow slaughter, screaming Jai Hind, with his dick hanging out… even though the cows were being shifted to a shelter. AND.. since the traffic police guy is already there it’s HIS problem now.. Me? I don’t give a fuck.'

Foreigner visiting India to do good and save the poverty stricken :
'Oh, I see a cow is in the middle of the road there. I should probably get it to move, since it’s blocking the traffic, forcing cars to swerve past it. On top of that the traffic police and the muncipal corporation guy is not doing anything. It is only UP TO ME TO FIX THE PROBLEMS OF THIS COUNTRY.
BUT… the cow is considered sacred here. If you move it, it might offend people. Hence, I shall do nothing.
But take photos of it. For real! LOL cows.com and instagram won’t fill itself…'

The Cow thinking..
'Maybe i’m obstructing traffic.. but no one else seems to be bothered.. So i dont give a fuck… oh wait, dung is coming out.

 PLOP !. Ahhhh, amazing!' ( i know that feel bro )

Vegetable Vendor
'Ah. The cow. Such a gentle creature… gives us milk and cheese, and all it wants in return is love and…'

.
'WTF! It’s eating my beautiful veggies! WHY YOU LITTLE…'

!!!! ASS SLAP !!!!

Wedding Invitation

Priyanka is checking her email. She saw a message from her friend Anita.She found an attachment in that message which was Anita's wedding invitation card.

                             

             Dear All,

A Wedding is start of

togetherness..

Of walks in the rain, basking in

the sunshine, shared meals, and

sensing the love that a marriage

carries!

With God’s grace, and our parent’s

blessings, the day has come

when Sandeep & I are taking a step

forward to begin a wonderful

life together!

Please be there as we look into 

each other's eyes,hold hands and 

exchange vows to be there 

for each other forever

- Anita & Sandeep 

Priyanka was very happy for Anita and surprised too.So she decides to call Anita and congratulate her.
Phone rings.
'Hey Priyanka .. after a long time' 
'Hey Anita .. great news ! Congratulations ! You never told me you had a boyfriend... Good you're getting  married to someone you already know.'
'Boyfriend ? No, It's arranged marriage.' Anita corrected her.
Priyanka was shocked to hear that . 'What ?? What about all that everlasting crap then ?'
'It's a marriage invitation.What do you want me to say ?' said Anita puzzled.
'But but .. you can't send incorrect information on internet. Didn't you read 'Terms & Conditions' while signing up your email?. This is against law. Aren't you aware of the Section 66A of the Information Technology Act ? A girl was arrested in mumbai under this law just for posting some pics on facebook . Please do correct this  email ASAP and send again.' 

'Thank you Priya .. I'l never send misleading or incorrect information on internet again..', Anita hangs the phone in dilemma.

Later that day ...

Priyanka got new mail from Anita .

Dear All,You are invited to stuff yourself with free food, while i get married to the man my parents have chosen for me. He's from our own caste and gotra, because let's be fair, who wants to be honor killed by dad over this ?

In return for free food, and the chance of getting photographed with DSLR Cameras,please bring nice gifts. No flowers please, and if you're planning to gift an ironbox , food mixer or bedsheets ,then on the way to the venue,you can stuff them up your ass.

Please treat this email as a personal invitation from both of us.I didn't want to waste printed cards on college friends. I don't really expect, or want you to come . Goddamit, I have already tolerated you assholes for 4 years. I don't want to see your faces while i stand next to my unfamiliar husband with my face of golden metal, trying hard to smile through the congratulatory parade of strangers.

I'm emailing this to all my friends as an intimation of my marriage.So know now that I'm married and stopping hitting on me,pinging on facebook you miserable perverts.

Regards

- Anita

                            RSVP

Names of distant relatives 

who don't really mean anything

but whine if you ignore them.

Also that greasy uncle who used 

to touch me inappropriately.